guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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