dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
