Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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