some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who died my cat blue again?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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