What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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