I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
