I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
