The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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