You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
