Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
