I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
