I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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