I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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