so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They took my balls.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
