the condom got lost in my hair
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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