I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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