I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize