The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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