For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
