her vagine was all disorganized.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
