Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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