Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
