Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize