How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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