Got a toothbrush?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
