Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
