did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want her autograph on my taint
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
