dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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