PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
