she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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