I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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