after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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