i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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