I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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