i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
