He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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