Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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