I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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