Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
