Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
