its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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