but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
