do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
