I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize