Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
