She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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