The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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