I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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