Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
