He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
