Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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