i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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