Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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