Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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