these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize