my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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